wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I CAN MOONWALK!
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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