I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
