all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
