dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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