I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Randomize
