All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
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