...so i touched it.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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