I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
