Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
