just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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