the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
