all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
