Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
