I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
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