I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
