We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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