I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize