I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
