i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Randomize
