i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
