haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
