How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
