Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
