Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
