dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
