I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
