What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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