he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
