come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
try to milk me bitch
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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