I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
