the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize