Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
