You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
