i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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