yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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