his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
