doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Randomize
