There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
