Well apparently he's into motor boating.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
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