everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
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