If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
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