Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
