ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Randomize
