Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Randomize
