Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize