Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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