I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
