Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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