But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
