I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
