My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
