Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I have fence marks all over my body
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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