Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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