Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
