I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize