I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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