I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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