Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
