Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize