What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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