Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
