Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
