Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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