the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
