If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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