Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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