I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize