It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
