how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
