yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
