You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
