I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
