Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
