i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
