So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
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