Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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