I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
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