They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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