i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
