How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Enjoy the penises
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
