Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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