the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize