careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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