Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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