Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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