watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
