We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I intend to get homeless drunk
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
