walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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