Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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