When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
