I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
