i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
