Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
it glows. i had to have it.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
