Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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