I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Randomize
