hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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