never play flip cup with pint glasses
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
