Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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