Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize