Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
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