nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
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