im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
i came on her dog
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
