Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
