Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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